JOY & HAPPINESS... and other things I've learned from my friend

Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. I am blessed to have such a friend in my life. Every time she speaks, I learn something. What a gift to have, what a gift to give. The ironic thing is I don't think she even knows she possesses it.

You would think that she and I see eye to eye on everything yet it is often the opposite. It's what we do share that makes all the difference. Grace, compassion and respect. I feel most often as if she has a bigger dose of all 3.

My friend made a recent fb post about joy and letting go of what doesn't bring it. I was quick to chime in that I would no longer be cooking or shoveling snow, thank you very much. However, that post has stuck with me now for a few days and caused me to give some real thought to joy (a feeling of which I have not had much of lately). So I went to the old stand by Mr. Webster to see what he had to say about this elusive emotion. He claims that joy is "The passion or emotion excited by the acquisition or expectation of good; pleasurable feelings or emotions caused by success, good fortune, and the like, or by a rational prospect of possessing what we love or desire; gladness; exhilaration of spirits; delight". Sigh...this left me feeling even worse. Am I really only going to experience joy if I could acquire good or be successful. Am I really going to face a life of "if onlys"...

So I thought about what I knew of joy before I checked in with Mr. W. The Bible says in Galatians 5:22 that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control and I thought about all of these words and realized they all have one thing in common. They are all inner character traits or, spiritual practices, if you will. They are all choices we make to be or act a certain way and they do not depend on the external. They are all actions or characteristics we can choose to employ, or not, even when life is crappy. So how does possesing joy which according to Webster, is dependent upon the external, fit into this list? Would God give us a list of great character qualities but throw in one that hinges upon what's happening around us. I don't think so. I think Mr. Webster has defined happiness and missed the boat on joy. I think joy is a spiritual practice that we have to choose to employ, that grows out of faith, grace, gratitude, hope, and love. It is the pure and simple delight in being alive. It is also the deep satisfaction we know when we are able to serve others and be glad for their good fortune. I think in our weakness we (I) have allowed life and all it's messes to rob me of my joy.

I can choose to love everyday in a world that hates. I can choose to live at peace everyday in a world that wages war. I can choose to be patient in a world that says "me first". I can choose to be kind when someone hurts me. I can choose to be good when the opportunity to be bad is ever present. I can choose to be faithful when others walk away. I can choose to be gentle in a brutal world. I can choose to tell myself no in the midst of a society that says "It's my right to have it". If I can choose all those things with the help of the Holy Spirit that lives in me I can certainly choose to live joyfully in a sad and messed up world. I can find the joy in knowing that my family is well fed by the meal I cooked because I take my eyes off me and put them on them. I can live with joy in a sad and messed up world because I know that this is just a temporary stop, that God has given me a purpose to fulfill while I am here and it isn't about me, it's about Him. It's about sharing His joy that He has shared with me. Joy is really the outcome of my relationship with Jesus and His joy is my strength.

Thank you my friend for causing me to think and to realize that I have a lack of joy not because of my circumstances but because my relationship with the Lord is currently out of sync. I guess I've known it for a while but I need to act on it. Thank you for having the grace to accept me where I am at even when it's not he same place as you. I treasure you.

father's day blessing

My dad died when I was 12 and to this day it has been the most horrific and heartbreaking thing in my life. I still cry about it, still miss him and always will. Father's Day is always a difficult day for me but today was especially hard because it is also my dad's birthday. At church this morning a man sang the Cinderella song by Steven Curtis Chapman. "I'll dance with Cinderella while she is here in my arms. Cause all to soon the clock will strike midnight and she'll be gone." That song just slays me because I know too well that it can happen the other way around. While he sang they had a slide show on the overhead of daddy/daughter pictures that church people submitted (my husband and girls as well). I cried through the whole thing and for 20 minutes afterward. There were pictures of dads being part of so many memorable events in their daughter's lives like graduation or their wedding, things I never got to share with my dad. But as I sat there, God in his ever so gracious way reminded me of the blessing I did have.

When I was 16 I had a girlfriend and I met her father for the first time. She was a year younger than me but her brother was in my grade. We graduated high school together, her brother and I, and their dad was there. He saw me walk across the stage and get my diploma. When my first baby was born and I was alone and rejected, he was there to offer support and hope. When I got married, he was there at my wedding, he saw me walk down the isle. When my other babies were born, he held them, he rocked them and he has loved all of them all of their lives. That man has been a close part of my life for 31 years and he has been witness to, counselor of, encourager, helper and friend in so many of the most important moments I've experienced. He has also been, for the last 20 of those 31 years, my step-dad. He loves my mother with all his heart, he loves me as if I am his own and he has been the only grandfather my children have ever known. I am so grateful for him and I made sure to tell him that today.

God always has a plan in each of our lives, even when we can't imagine what it might be. I didn't know when I graduated, or when I got married, that my "Poppy" as my sister and I lovingly call him, was already there, but God knew and He chose today, this most difficult of all days for me, to remind me of the fact that I have never been without an earthly father or a Heavely Father.

PS ~ You can check out Steven Curtis Chapman, who lost his daughter all to soon, and his song, Cinderella, on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLYxtuC0oRk

need flowers . . .

It seems as if spring is taking as long to arrive as my bathroom. My yard is still full of snow but in a little bare patch, poking up among the dead grass and leaves that didn't get raked, are some beautiful little crocus and it made me think . . . What if a few pretty flowers blossomed in my bathroom that is still full of paint cans and tools? It works outside, I just shift my gaze from snow to blooms and it makes me smile so why not put that practice to work inside.

I got the flowers and vase at a fantastic 60% off sale and with the deals I got, this little beauty cost me less than $15.00 to put together and I'm ecstatic! I'm so happy with the way it turned out. Unfortunately there is too much light in the bathroom to get a picture that shows the colors well. Too bad to because the walls are the most happy shade of blue called Veronica. Now all I have to do is shift my gaze from stir stick and pipe wrench to blossom and wren and I'm smiling!

oh to take a bath. . .

Our tub has been sitting in the laundry room for a year now. Yes, the same tub in the laundry room that housed our baby chicks until they were big enough to move into the barn and proceed to burn it to the ground! The same tub that held up all my starter veggies that ended up dying because my garden burned up with the barn! Yes, that tub. That beautiful, cast iron, claw foot tub that we have soaked away the worries and the pain of the day in. The tub that echoed with laughter as it washed away the dirt from chubby baby necks and squiggly toes. The tub that overflowed with fun and water as rambunctious kids and bathing dogs frolicked and played.

That tub has monumental history as do all childhood tubs where love and laughter abound. I know that 'things' are just 'things', but they are the stuff of memories. Upon returning to my childhood home a few years ago, the bathroom, which was still the same by the way, brought back a flood of happy memories as I thought of all the times my sister and I shared that tub as little girls.

Soon, our memory maker tub will be returning to it's rightful position after a year long hiatus, with a fresh coat of enamel and shiny new faucet. Granted, there will be no echoing of little children laughing and splashing but I know that I'm ready for a good long soak and one day . . . oh yes, one day there will be grandchildren.

life & M-119

Dave and I celebrated our twenty-second wedding anniversary this summer. We have always wanted to go back to Harbor Springs which is where we spent part of our honeymoon. The top photo is of the B&B where we stayed back then. Funny that it hasn't aged a bit and it actually looks better than it did back then. After seeing an article in Traverse the Magazine about the Tunnel Of Trees and the Cross In The Woods, we decided we should just make that trip after all.

Twenty-two years ago we attempted to visit the Cross but being young and in-love, we somehow got lost and never found it. I don't really know how one can miss a giant cross but I guess there are many things out in the world that can keep us from seeing it.

Friday morning we headed out armed with only a magazine article and twenty-two years of real life in tow in an attempt to travel back in time. Not quite as starry eyed and blissful but still very much in love, we were searching for what we didn't see the first time through. Hidden things, that in the rush to get it all and see it all, we may have missed. Funny what you can see when you really look, enlightening what you can hear when you really listen.

It amazed me how M-119 is so much like life. You turn onto it and it is bright and vibrant, full of new things vying for your attention. "Do this, stop here, buy me!", chant all the outside forces and at first you fall for it. But the tunnel arrives and slows your pace, removing your ability to grasp at everything and eventually you realize you're tired, you're broke and you've missed all the truly important things that have passed by.

As you continue on through the tunnel, it is somewhat dark and foreboding. You don't know how long it will take to arrive at the end and it all looks the same. Tree after tree after tree you plug along at a snails pace because the road is narrow and treacherous. Sure there are occasional glimpses of life outside the tunnel but they are beyond your reach and access is denied in most places. You must keep your eyes focused on where you are going because any wrong turn could be disastrous and you know that the Devil's Elbow is somewhere out there waiting to trip you up. But you are held tight within the grip of the trees compelled that forward is the only real option but unsure of what lies ahead.

There is a sign in the tunnel for "The Tree of Wise Council" a meeting place where the Native Americans used to gather and I thought about how appropriate that was since there is so much to be learned as you travel through the tunnel, it is the time where wisdom begins to take root in our lives.

However, your journey down M-119 is not over yet. You continue on until you arrive at an area of brief refuge. A place of relief and nourishment, a much needed breath of fresh air and leg stretching before you resume your travels. A previous sojourner with a Good Hart knew that weary travelers would need a place of rest. Yet somehow you find that as much as you enjoyed the break, you are anxious to get back on the road. You are a bit more enthusiastic now anticipating that you must be nearing the end. Your focus is no longer on the trees and how they are keeping you from something but rather how they are leading you to something and suddenly, without warning you come bursting forth into the light and there before you stands The Cross.

somewhere between crazy & insane

This is where I have been for the last 8 months! There has been so much to write about and no time to share, so much that's painful and no strength, or maybe no courage, to share. I always consider myself a pretty transparent person but when things get really tough even I revert into myself. I think at this point in time I will simply sum up 2010 as being the hardest year of my life and hang on for the final quarter. Perhaps as the slow days of Autumn pass I will have time to sort out my heart and my mind, the words will flow and the peace will come. Until then, here's to clinging to the cross, and living a simple life where all is calm and all is well . . .

tattoos and handguns

Today is Baby Boy #2's eighteenth birthday. He wants to spend the day getting a tattoo and buying a handgun. He's been asking for both since he was sixteen and I've put him off as long as I legally can.

This should come as no surprise to me since he is facing the occasion like he has faced all other occasions in his life, with tenacity and determination. A character quality I quite admire but often find hard to keep up with.

From the moment he decided his exodus from my womb was at hand, he hurtled himself feet first into this world in a one hour rocket speed labor and delivery process unlike any the nurses had ever seen, scoring a ten on his AP GAR and thus embarking on his quest for adventure and achievement.

Affectionately known as the "Over Achiever" by Baby Girl #1, he has always strived for good grades and self education, often reading owner's manuals 'just for fun'. At the age of three he carefully crafted a fearless swordfish sculpture out of scrap lumber and meticulously nailed each tiny piece twelve times to our front deck. When he was five, he showed a rabbit in 4-H and came within 3 points of beating out an eighteen year old to become Grand Champion in Showmanship. When he entered school halfway through the first grade he was so far ahead of the other students that the teacher had him up front helping her teach the class. And, when the year finally arrived that he could legally hunt dear on his own, he bagged his buck by noon on opening day. Before he had his license he asked me to drive him around to all the banks to find out who had the best interest rate on CD's because he had $1000.00 he wanted to invest. He owns his own truck and skillfully parks it in one easy snow donut maneuver that causes it to come to rest in exactly the right spot.

Baby Boy #2 has been to Guyana to build a church, Guatemala to build an orphanage and Canada to catch monstrous fish, he has been to the Alamo and Dodger Field. He has climbed a volcano, had bears in his camp, fed candy to 400 orphans and witnessed poverty beyond imagination.

In his eighteen years so far on this earth he has made the most of nearly every moment, living a life that is rich in memories, accomplishments and lessons. A life that has been filled with forethought and purpose. It should therefore come as no surprise to me that as he stands at the threshold of manhood, tattoos and handguns are first on his list. After all, he's been trying to prepare me for two years!

Happy eighteenth birthday Max! You have brought much joy to all our lives and you taught me that love is not divided by two, it is multiplied.