Thursday, May 22, 2014

my mid-life something or other (It's only half past the point of oblivion)

Oh the angst of turning 50.  Not that the number itself is hard but the thought that half my life is over is! Obviously I'm planning on living until I'm 100.  Turning 40 was actually harder than turning 50, as far as numbers go and in reality, half my life was probably over back then.  Now 10 years later I find myself in a very strange place.  It's a place of joy yet sorrow, contentment yet dissatisfaction, frustration yet complacency, fear yet exhilaration.  I want to do a million things at once and I want to do nothing at all.  Lets face it, I'm tired.  Keeping the family zoo tame while trying to run a business and work outside the home has been, and still is, a tough job.  Life has been spent satisfying the tyranny of the urgent and now I find myself urgent.  The problem is, I'm a fearful girl.  I was out this morning taking some pictures and I came across this canoe paddle up in a tree and I couldn't help but see a correlation to that and my life.  At the age of 12 my dad died and it was as if someone threw me in a canoe and dumped me in the rapids without a paddle.  My life has rocketed down stream at lightening speed with me along for the ride and at the mercy of the elements.  I would be remiss if I didn't add here that the Lord has held me in the palm of His hand the entire time, always keeping me safe but sometimes that can be hard to see and feel.  God's motto is like that of a bottle of pink bubblegum medicine for earaches, SHAKE WELL BEFORE USE!  But as rapids and life go, you eventually reach a slower pace, a spot where you can get to the shore and take a breather.  On my shore, up in a tree, is a canoe paddle and I can hear God urging me to be brave and go get it.  I remind him of just how afraid I was last week while simply walking the shore, even the sound of the waves made me jump.  But he persists, "Go get it, I'm right here, I've got you, I've always had you."  Then I think "Pink" and while I'm not a Pink fan, and putting her words even in the same paragraph as God is sacrilegious, I'm (going out on a limb) and doing it anyhow. Her song Glitter In The Air has some words I'm quite fond of:   

Have you ever looked fear in the face and said I just don't care?

It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn
The thunder before the lightning, and the breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run
The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself
Will it ever get better than tonight? ~  Pink

I think I'll go get that paddle...

Thursday, May 8, 2014


Grief is a monster that will eat you alive if you fight it.  But grief is an ocean whose waves will lead you to the Lord if you are willing and brave enough to ride them.  It takes tremendous courage and tremendous faith.

What does one say when there are no words... no new words, no comforting words, no words that bring meaning?  My heart is so full of sorrow and pain for those I love that are enduring sorrow and pain.   I feel inadequate to help those I love but my feelings would deceive me if I let them.   I can say I'm sorry, I love you, and keep pointing you to the Lord.  I can cry with you.  I can walk along side you and allow you the time you need to grieve without judgement.  I can be quiet and listen.

Death is not the end, Christ proved that.  And while we live on in sadness and loss, our loved ones have begun a new journey.  That thought doesn't take away our sadness and loneliness, our longing to have them by our side but it should give us hope that if we too trust in Christ, we will see them once again.  The broken and grieving find their only true hope in the resurrection.  I find my hope in the resurrection.

This life is but a vapor and we are not promised any tomorrows.

Love is a verb so act on it.  Don't just say I love you, show I love you.

There is no time like the present.

Surrender your life to Christ.

Cliche's?  Yes.  Truth's. YES!  My words are not new, they've all been said before.  The questions is, will you see them with new eyes, with a new heart, will you heed them?  Trust in the Lord, today.  Tell your family you love them, today.  Ask your long lost friend for forgiveness, today.  Make it right, whatever IT is, today.  Be thankful for what you have, today, because you are not promised tomorrow.

In loving memory of those who have gone too soon and with much love for those left behind to grieve.