31 Moments in Time :: write 31 days

An InLinkz Link-up

I came across a delicious little writing challenge called write 31 days. The idea is to spend 31 days writing about a topic. I thought to myself, "Really, 31 days on the same subject?" I am about as overwhelmed as I could be right now and I'm not sure I could spend 31 days talking about the same thing. Then I thought about how writing and photography are two of my very favorite things so why not join them together and talk about the photos. It's the same subject right? I could not resist. I hope you will join me as I venture to give you a transparent look at me and my life for the next 31 days via words and photos.  

Follow me on twitter or instagram or a link to each blog will be posted below so check back often!

Day 1 ::  nothing... nothing...

Day 2 ::  crashing on the dementia road

Day 3 ::  recording my life

Day 4 ::  skin comfort

Day 5 ::  off point on point

Day 6 ::  in the kitchen

Day 7 ::  press on

Day 8 ::  press on part 2

Day 9 ::  cookie run

Day 10 ::  the front porch

Day 11 ::  the day of rest

Day 12 ::  all is calm, all is well

Day 13 ::  the road home

Day 14 ::  in search of the honey pot

Day 15 ::  seasons change

Day 16 ::  going the distance

Day 17 ::  Jesus my Captain

Day 18 ::  tree of righteousness

Day 19 ::  too much

Day 20 ::  do you know my son Mike?

Day 21 ::  no excuse

Day 22 ::  kind

Day 23 ::  in your presence

Day 24 ::

Day 25 ::  the Sunday walk

Day 26 ::  animal behavior

Day 27 ::  it's not enough to feel like you've done something

Day 28 ::  life is short, dress happy

Day 29 :: two by two by two, plus one - Part 1

Day 30 ::  two by two by two, plus one - Part 2

Day 31 ::  two by two by two, plus one - Part 3

my mid-life something or other (It's only half past the point of oblivion)

Oh the angst of turning 50.  Not that the number itself is hard but the thought that half my life is over is! Obviously I'm planning on living until I'm 100.  Turning 40 was actually harder than turning 50, as far as numbers go and in reality, half my life was probably over back then.  Now 10 years later I find myself in a very strange place.  It's a place of joy yet sorrow, contentment yet dissatisfaction, frustration yet complacency, fear yet exhilaration.  I want to do a million things at once and I want to do nothing at all.  Lets face it, I'm tired.  Keeping the family zoo tame while trying to run a business and work outside the home has been, and still is, a tough job.  Life has been spent satisfying the tyranny of the urgent and now I find myself urgent.  The problem is, I'm a fearful girl.  I was out this morning taking some pictures and I came across this canoe paddle up in a tree and I couldn't help but see a correlation to that and my life.  At the age of 12 my dad died and it was as if someone threw me in a canoe and dumped me in the rapids without a paddle.  My life has rocketed down stream at lightening speed with me along for the ride and at the mercy of the elements.  I would be remiss if I didn't add here that the Lord has held me in the palm of His hand the entire time, always keeping me safe but sometimes that can be hard to see and feel.  God's motto is like that of a bottle of pink bubblegum medicine for earaches, SHAKE WELL BEFORE USE!  But as rapids and life go, you eventually reach a slower pace, a spot where you can get to the shore and take a breather.  On my shore, up in a tree, is a canoe paddle and I can hear God urging me to be brave and go get it.  I remind him of just how afraid I was last week while simply walking the shore, even the sound of the waves made me jump.  But he persists, "Go get it, I'm right here, I've got you, I've always had you."  Then I think "Pink" and while I'm not a Pink fan, and putting her words even in the same paragraph as God is sacrilegious, I'm (going out on a limb) and doing it anyhow. Her song Glitter In The Air has some words I'm quite fond of:   

Have you ever looked fear in the face and said I just don't care?

It's only half past the point of no return

The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn
The thunder before the lightning, and the breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run
The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself
Will it ever get better than tonight? ~  Pink

I think I'll go get that paddle...

greif

Grief is a monster that will eat you alive if you fight it.  But grief is an ocean whose waves will lead you to the Lord if you are willing and brave enough to ride them.  It takes tremendous courage and tremendous faith.

What does one say when there are no words... no new words, no comforting words, no words that bring meaning?  My heart is so full of sorrow and pain for those I love that are enduring sorrow and pain.   I feel inadequate to help those I love but my feelings would deceive me if I let them.   I can say I'm sorry, I love you, and keep pointing you to the Lord.  I can cry with you.  I can walk along side you and allow you the time you need to grieve without judgement.  I can be quiet and listen.

Death is not the end, Christ proved that.  And while we live on in sadness and loss, our loved ones have begun a new journey.  That thought doesn't take away our sadness and loneliness, our longing to have them by our side but it should give us hope that if we too trust in Christ, we will see them once again.  The broken and grieving find their only true hope in the resurrection.  I find my hope in the resurrection.

This life is but a vapor and we are not promised any tomorrows.

Love is a verb so act on it.  Don't just say I love you, show I love you.

There is no time like the present.

Surrender your life to Christ.

Cliche's?  Yes.  Truth's. YES!  My words are not new, they've all been said before.  The questions is, will you see them with new eyes, with a new heart, will you heed them?  Trust in the Lord, today.  Tell your family you love them, today.  Ask your long lost friend for forgiveness, today.  Make it right, whatever IT is, today.  Be thankful for what you have, today, because you are not promised tomorrow.

In loving memory of those who have gone too soon and with much love for those left behind to grieve.

go fly a kit

Have you ever watched a goldfish?  I mean really watched them?  We see them swiming around and we automatically assume they are happy and free.  I think that happens because we associate them with our feelings and memories of the time we spend in the water which is usually full of happiness and freedom.  How could lazily floating in the water not be carefree?

But, what if nearly every move they make is about survival?  Searching for food, while trying not to be food.  Diving deep when the pond is too warm, rising to the surface if the pond is too cold.  Hiding under the lily pads so as not to become bird food while trying to escape the pull of the water pump.  Most of all, not becoming a cat toy.

Our pond started out with 3 goldfish and 2 koi.  We are down to 2 and 2 with no sign ever of the one who lost the battle.  As I watch them I have discovered that what looks so blissful is simply a matter of survial to them.  I can't help but wonder how much of our lives look like that to the rest of the world?

What does that have to do with flying a kite?"  In my case, maybe everything.  I haven't flown a kite since I was 10 or 11 and even then I can not add kite "Flying" to my list of accomplishments because I can't say that I was ever really successful at it.  My sister and I would go down to the empty field between our house and the hospital and we would fly our kites.  The scenario always played out like this;  Liz would instantly launch her kite into the sky where it would float and dive, dive and float forever, literally, since one time I had to run and get the neighbor guy to bring her kite down and even he couldn't get it.  They finally cut it loose and let it go.  I, on the other hand, would run back and forth across the field trying to get my kite to catch even the tiniest gust to no avail.  My sister would come and hand me her beautifully soaring kite and then proceed to set mine afloat.  When she would return from launching mine I would be standing there with her kite in my hands because the moment she passed it off to me it would begin it's desent.  We would trade kites back and forth, back and forth.  I can't believe she never got sick of doing that for me.

My bucket list has kite flying as one of its' items.  When purchasing my kite recently I explained to  the store's propiretor my kite flying dilema and asked for some suggestions.  His only response was that the kite had to match its' owners personality.  To which I wanted to respond, "What the heck does that mean!", followed with, "They don't make a kite as uptight as me." But politely I said nothing.  You see, I knew the instant he said that why my sister's kite always soared and mine didn't.  She has the most carefree spirit in the world while I always need to be in control of everything because I am certain everything will fall apart if I'm not.  So instead of saying anything, I pondered his words and looked at the kites.  I mean really 'looked' at the kites.  Instead of seeing a butterfly, dragon, batman or rainbow, I saw the personalities they were representing.  That's when I settled on the goldfish.  I have always lived my life in survival mode, sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of choice, and I have learned that the fruit of necessity is habit and not all habits are good.

I have attempted twice to fly my new goldfish kite.  I have been unsuccessful.  But now when I look at my fish in the pond I watch to see if they have moments of freedom.  Are they always darting from place to place or do they have moments when they swim just for fun, without a care in the world?  I have to believe that they do because you see, it is not really kite flying that I want to master.

JOY & HAPPINESS... and other things I've learned from my friend

Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. I am blessed to have such a friend in my life. Every time she speaks, I learn something. What a gift to have, what a gift to give. The ironic thing is I don't think she even knows she possesses it.

You would think that she and I see eye to eye on everything yet it is often the opposite. It's what we do share that makes all the difference. Grace, compassion and respect. I feel most often as if she has a bigger dose of all 3.

My friend made a recent fb post about joy and letting go of what doesn't bring it. I was quick to chime in that I would no longer be cooking or shoveling snow, thank you very much. However, that post has stuck with me now for a few days and caused me to give some real thought to joy (a feeling of which I have not had much of lately). So I went to the old stand by Mr. Webster to see what he had to say about this elusive emotion. He claims that joy is "The passion or emotion excited by the acquisition or expectation of good; pleasurable feelings or emotions caused by success, good fortune, and the like, or by a rational prospect of possessing what we love or desire; gladness; exhilaration of spirits; delight". Sigh...this left me feeling even worse. Am I really only going to experience joy if I could acquire good or be successful. Am I really going to face a life of "if onlys"...

So I thought about what I knew of joy before I checked in with Mr. W. The Bible says in Galatians 5:22 that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control and I thought about all of these words and realized they all have one thing in common. They are all inner character traits or, spiritual practices, if you will. They are all choices we make to be or act a certain way and they do not depend on the external. They are all actions or characteristics we can choose to employ, or not, even when life is crappy. So how does possesing joy which according to Webster, is dependent upon the external, fit into this list? Would God give us a list of great character qualities but throw in one that hinges upon what's happening around us. I don't think so. I think Mr. Webster has defined happiness and missed the boat on joy. I think joy is a spiritual practice that we have to choose to employ, that grows out of faith, grace, gratitude, hope, and love. It is the pure and simple delight in being alive. It is also the deep satisfaction we know when we are able to serve others and be glad for their good fortune. I think in our weakness we (I) have allowed life and all it's messes to rob me of my joy.

I can choose to love everyday in a world that hates. I can choose to live at peace everyday in a world that wages war. I can choose to be patient in a world that says "me first". I can choose to be kind when someone hurts me. I can choose to be good when the opportunity to be bad is ever present. I can choose to be faithful when others walk away. I can choose to be gentle in a brutal world. I can choose to tell myself no in the midst of a society that says "It's my right to have it". If I can choose all those things with the help of the Holy Spirit that lives in me I can certainly choose to live joyfully in a sad and messed up world. I can find the joy in knowing that my family is well fed by the meal I cooked because I take my eyes off me and put them on them. I can live with joy in a sad and messed up world because I know that this is just a temporary stop, that God has given me a purpose to fulfill while I am here and it isn't about me, it's about Him. It's about sharing His joy that He has shared with me. Joy is really the outcome of my relationship with Jesus and His joy is my strength.

Thank you my friend for causing me to think and to realize that I have a lack of joy not because of my circumstances but because my relationship with the Lord is currently out of sync. I guess I've known it for a while but I need to act on it. Thank you for having the grace to accept me where I am at even when it's not he same place as you. I treasure you.

father's day blessing

My dad died when I was 12 and to this day it has been the most horrific and heartbreaking thing in my life. I still cry about it, still miss him and always will. Father's Day is always a difficult day for me but today was especially hard because it is also my dad's birthday. At church this morning a man sang the Cinderella song by Steven Curtis Chapman. "I'll dance with Cinderella while she is here in my arms. Cause all to soon the clock will strike midnight and she'll be gone." That song just slays me because I know too well that it can happen the other way around. While he sang they had a slide show on the overhead of daddy/daughter pictures that church people submitted (my husband and girls as well). I cried through the whole thing and for 20 minutes afterward. There were pictures of dads being part of so many memorable events in their daughter's lives like graduation or their wedding, things I never got to share with my dad. But as I sat there, God in his ever so gracious way reminded me of the blessing I did have.

When I was 16 I had a girlfriend and I met her father for the first time. She was a year younger than me but her brother was in my grade. We graduated high school together, her brother and I, and their dad was there. He saw me walk across the stage and get my diploma. When my first baby was born and I was alone and rejected, he was there to offer support and hope. When I got married, he was there at my wedding, he saw me walk down the isle. When my other babies were born, he held them, he rocked them and he has loved all of them all of their lives. That man has been a close part of my life for 31 years and he has been witness to, counselor of, encourager, helper and friend in so many of the most important moments I've experienced. He has also been, for the last 20 of those 31 years, my step-dad. He loves my mother with all his heart, he loves me as if I am his own and he has been the only grandfather my children have ever known. I am so grateful for him and I made sure to tell him that today.

God always has a plan in each of our lives, even when we can't imagine what it might be. I didn't know when I graduated, or when I got married, that my "Poppy" as my sister and I lovingly call him, was already there, but God knew and He chose today, this most difficult of all days for me, to remind me of the fact that I have never been without an earthly father or a Heavely Father.

PS ~ You can check out Steven Curtis Chapman, who lost his daughter all to soon, and his song, Cinderella, on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLYxtuC0oRk

need flowers . . .

It seems as if spring is taking as long to arrive as my bathroom. My yard is still full of snow but in a little bare patch, poking up among the dead grass and leaves that didn't get raked, are some beautiful little crocus and it made me think . . . What if a few pretty flowers blossomed in my bathroom that is still full of paint cans and tools? It works outside, I just shift my gaze from snow to blooms and it makes me smile so why not put that practice to work inside.

I got the flowers and vase at a fantastic 60% off sale and with the deals I got, this little beauty cost me less than $15.00 to put together and I'm ecstatic! I'm so happy with the way it turned out. Unfortunately there is too much light in the bathroom to get a picture that shows the colors well. Too bad to because the walls are the most happy shade of blue called Veronica. Now all I have to do is shift my gaze from stir stick and pipe wrench to blossom and wren and I'm smiling!