I never thought I would have a time when I wasn't sure what to say... when words escaped me because the waves of life have crashed me into the break wall so hard that all I can do is cry for help to the One the wind and waves obey. Today is that day. A heartache so deep and so personal that I can not express it. A hurdle that seems to big to jump, a forgiveness that seems too big to give. But I know God's word and I know what he says... I must forgive as I have been forgiven. I know the wretched state he found me in and I know the amazing grace that saved me.
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.
Psalm 40:1-3
For many years this has been my life verse. I was pulled from the mud and mire. Now I stand at someone else's pit and I can choose to reach out my hand in love and forgiveness or I can turn and walk away. There are moments when every fiber of my human being wants to walk away... there really are, and there are moments when my compassion is so deep because I know how far the mud can suck you in. And so I am tossed about like the waves.
But mightier than the violent raging of the seas,
mightier than the breakers on the shore,
the Lord above is mightier than these.
Psalm 93:4
The reality is that in God's big world picture, I am no bigger than this ladybug, but I am forever in his thoughts. God reminds me of that by letting me find a lone lady bug in the middle of October, in the middle of innumerable grains of sand. His way of letting me know he sees me, he has not forgotten me.
How precious are your thoughts about me, Oh God,
They cannot be numbered!
I can't even count them;
They outnumber the grains of sand.
And when I wake up you are still with me.
Psalm 139:17-18
God knows my heart and my struggle. He knows my pain and he sees each tear that falls. And he draws me to the light...
You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
Psalm 56:8
Once again I find myself at Point Betsie and I ponder the sense of solace here that seems to be felt by so many. This space is void of all sound but the crashing waves. Any words spoken are stolen by the wind and carried off to God so that no man hears them. Grief from a thousand broken hearts hangs like heavy fog, sad yet comforting and I embrace it, or rather, I let it embrace me. I am held in the loving arms of God and all is calm, all is well.
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